2/21 Spanking Roundtable: Being of an Age and Spanking

spanking round table

I knew from a very young age that spanking was for me. That domestic discipline might also be for me snuck up on me and took me completely by surprise.

I married a spanker. In fact, that’s why I married him. And he began talking to me specifically because I was a “submissive.” That we both knew we wanted that straight off the bat pretty much defined our marriage right from the very beginning. That he is also eleven years my elder pretty much guaranteed that our marriage became a DD one right from the start too. How has DD changed me over the years?

When I was twenty, I had a playful mouth on me like you wouldn’t believe….well, okay. You might. I loved to sass. It was my favorite form of recreation and communication, and my poor husband who had lived alone pretty much since he left home at 17 got a crash course in how to deal with my mouth over our honeymoon–four days of driving from my state to his (I was a mail-order bride) with all my things packed in the back of my little hatchback. He was driving. I was reading the map. Let the good times roll. Let’s just say, I got spanked a LOT during my wild and wooly twenties, but back then we approached DD like it was a code we had to live by or die trying. It was very rigid. It broke down a lot and took a LOT of talking to get back up and running again. We weren’t perfect–either one of us–but we kept it going.

The thirties kinda mellowed us both. I grew up, my common sense blossomed and my sense of responsibility kicked in. Did DD have something to do with it? Probably. That I stopped smoking was a direct result of a hot cherry burning a hole in the flooring of our brand new car–you know, the one he told me not to smoke in–and the punishment paddling I received for trying to conceal my crime by snipping off fibers from under the seats and gluing them into the burned spot. We had our ups, our downs, our crazy arguments that were never about anything that normal couples ought to fight over, and I was spanked less and less often for punishment and more often just because and for the sheer fun of it.

Now, I’m in my forties and the punishment spankings are practically non-existent. For fun and sex has become our new normal. I really like the new normal, although my twenty-year-old self never would have thought so. She was too in love with the idea of misbehaving, getting caught, and getting her seat dusted because of it. My forty-year-old self is, frankly, exhausted by her. I still sass, but only when I know it’ll make him smile, and my heart still flutters when he gives me that look. You know, the one that says if my sister weren’t living with us, he’d be cooking dinner tonight and we’d soooo be having rump roast. <3 I love that look.

DD is still very much a part of our lives, but we’ve relaxed with it, grown comfortable in our roles. He’s the boss, because I’m at my happiest when he’s in that role; I’m still “submissive”…but usually only because I can’t find anything better to do. TTWD has become such a deep part of who we are, not just as individuals but as a couple, I don’t think we could coexist without it. And by that I mean I don’t think we could coexist without its surfacing in some form between us. Whether it’s a Look, a slap on the ass as we’re passing one another in the hall, or a half-serious threat uttered with a laugh because I’m forty years old and I still haven’t learned to shut up when the situation warrants it.

I love this life we live. I love TTWD. We’re still not perfect. It still takes a lot of communication, but I can’t imagine trying to live any other way. Where am I going to be 10, 20, even 30 years from now? I just asked my husband and he said, “Buried under an electric pole if you don’t get the dishes done.” Which is Grumpy Butt for, “I don’t know, honey. Where do you want to be?”

I want to be more relaxed, more open, more sassy. I want punishment spankings to be a thing of the past. Except…wait. There is still that part of me that loses all grip with reality and actually longs for the security of knowing the Punishment Paddle will come out if I push the envelope in certain directions.So maybe it’s a good thing that those remain a part of our marriage. All right, I’ll try again. I don’t ever want to reach a point in our marriage where he is not in charge and spankings are not a part of our relationship. It’s how we first connected and how we connect to one another still. This is my security blanket. It’s how I know he still cares about who I am at my very core.

I hope that never changes.

Now, excuse me while I go draw the hubby a map to the dishwasher.

List of Participating Authors

Click here to check out the other authors contributing to this week’s discussion on what DD means to the course of their lives.

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24 thoughts on “2/21 Spanking Roundtable: Being of an Age and Spanking

  1. So who ended up doing the dishes? πŸ˜‰ I’m getting the idea you’re a pretty wild woman.. I’ve just read yours and Patricia’s posts so far and you both are in a relationship where the spanking desire was established from the start. Like I said on her blog, I think spanking is more like a limb than a dress that doesn’t fit anymore and you take off. It’s just a part of life.

    For us, I brought this to my husband after 12 years of marriage and two children and really, I can’t see it not being a part of our lives but I’m curious how it evolves and what it turns into. At this moment in time, I can say I hope TTWD remains a part of our lives for a very long time.

  2. LOL a map to the dishwasher- I’m still trying to get my Master to remove our old broken dishwasher and give me more shelves, which is what I actually need πŸ˜€ I’m picturing that drive in the little car, hehe… poor guy πŸ˜€ It’s fun- I often resembled the perfect slave from BDSM erotica when my Master and I first got together, but my bratting’s gotten worse as I read more DD stories

    • I used to resemble the perfect submissive earlier in our marriage too. As we’ve grown more comfortable, we’ve relaxed some, but maybe that’s not the direction your particular relationship needs to progress. Go ahead and brat. If it makes you both ultimately happier, then how can it be wrong? And that Honeymoon drive in our little car is the only reason we don’t go anywhere without a Garmin now! lol Thanks for stopping by, Joelle!

  3. God I love reading what you write. “My forty year old self is exhausted by her” and “I’m submissive but usually because I can’t find something better to do.” Had me laughing in my kitchen. I am 52 and we just started TTWD last year. Talked about and read about it and fantasized about it forever. Finally took the plunge. We are closer than ever and there is a definite freedom to submitting. But as hubby says “yeah I’m familiar with what you call submission–submitting with control”. I am getting better and he is growing and the end result–I adore him and can’t imagine not having this in our lives. I think we both have regrets that it didn’t start earlier but you can’t fix that and remorse stunts growth and happiness. So we live for the moment. Hubby is traveling and he is getting a crop when he gets home!! Eeeeeeek

    • Yes, but is HE getting the crop or are you going to buy it for him? And yay for you either way! The crop is one of those really fun implements that often leaves me wondering about the insanity inherent in certain submissives who just can’t help running out and buying the implements that will later be used against them. Think about it. It’s like a criminal picking out his future cell the night before the big heist.

  4. You and I have a lot in common, Maren. I used to sass something fierce, and every single time, it got me into hot water. I think that if we had kept it up to the same degree, you and I, the relationships might have stagnated, running the same program over and over. It’s more fun with it sort of pops out of nowhere, unexpected, and a little wild. Just a little. No one wants to go back to those early days when out of control was normal, and all the rest of the time was confusing. Thanks for sharing your journey, Maren. It’s such a pleasure to get to know you better.

    • There’s something to be said for keeping him on his toes. But, there’s also something to be said for growing more relaxed in the relationship enough to not need to brat/sass to get his attention.

      It’s a real pleasure to get to know you better too! πŸ™‚

  5. Reblogged this on Christina Mandara and commented:
    Loved this! All I can say is that there is hope for my bratty self yet. ~grins~ And there’s nothing wrong with having the threat of a punishment paddle in the closet… a bit of spice and all that πŸ˜‰

    • A little spice is well and good, but there are times when I really, really wish we still had a fireplace. I’d have burned that thing a loooooong time ago. Or maybe since we do still have it, that’s proof that I wouldn’t. He hasn’t used it in so long, I keep hoping he’s forgotten about it and maybe I could give it away after all. But I’d really, really hate to be sent to get it and have to tell him I got rid of it. Those are future shoes I don’t EVER want to be standing in!

  6. I enjoyed this so much Maren! I agree that we can’t stay the same. Our relationships evolve. What worked early on may or may not still benefit both people. It is a roller coaster ride isn’t it? It doesn’t mean our relationship is boring if we can’t live like we began It is fun to try out the ‘new’ ways, that tweak the ‘old.’ In my early relationship spanking or TTWD was almost never talked about, now we do!

    • You’re so right, Minelle! I don’t consider us boring. I like to think we both do our little things to keep the relationship fresh. And as long as I can keep him laughing, then I consider myself to be doing my job. He has a stressful job that he doesn’t really like, so I want home to always be the place he associates with love and laughter and his being in charge. It’s one big ol’ Burger King. He pretty much gets it his way. I like the way our relationship has evolved, and I’m looking forward to seeing how this roller coaster ride evolves further.

  7. Maren, this was the perfect post for me!
    I feel the same way, except I am starting a bit later in life. So my 40 year old self is still pushing for some of those spankings. πŸ™‚
    Our biggest difference is who brought it to the relationship. My husband came in with a lot of vanilla tendencies, and I was the one who brought it to him.

    But I do wonder every once n a while what it would have been like if he had initiated.
    Hmmm.
    Thanks for sharing!
    πŸ™‚

    • Thank you, Katherine! Just give your 40 year old self some time. She will eventually settle in and that’s not a bad thing! But you’ve got me wondering, if this is what your 40 year old self is doing now, how much more enthusiastic would your 20 year old self have been? πŸ˜€

  8. Thanks for sharing Maren! How wonderful to be able to look back over a couple of decades together and see how you’ve each grown and evolved. Life would be pretty dull if we all stayed the same.

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